my little blog

“Congratulations,” I said to my brother a few weeks ago, “you’ve officially fucked my future.”  This came at the heels of having listened to his 1-year anniversary plans for his girlfriend which led to tears in my eyes, as I feared I’d never find a man as good as my bro. I know I am not alone. I live in LA for goodness sakes surrounded by a sea of sickeningly beautiful women several of whom also have brains and wits - and are single. So here it is, after countless consultations with my female cronies and conversations with our brothers…

WHAT WOMEN WANT.

1. Attention. Everyone has 1 minute to send a text letting us know that we are on your mind. Sure, if a girl expects a call during a super busy work day, a guys’ night out, or a game, she’s lost her mind. But eventually a busy day, night out, and game come to an end, at which we should be hearing from you. Don’t go too long without touching base - female minds are supremely imaginative and we will fill in the blanks faster than you can say, “girls are crazy.” And I’ve heard from countless males that “if a guy wants to see you, he’ll see you.” So, excuses need not apply. 
2. Make a mother fucking plan. Tell us how fancy or casual we need to dress and what time to be ready. Let the rest of the day/evening/weekend be in your hands. Pick the restaurant we’ve been wanting to try or the movie we wanted to see or take it in your own hands. We will be so impressed you’ve planned it, that unless you’re taking us to  get paper cuts all night, you’re golden. Guys continually underestimate this one. Girls are planners which result in us having expectations. So fellas, get used to planning. Not just once, but frequently. 
3. Listen. You’ll never need to be a mind reader if you actively listen. Communication is the key to relationships so put your Blackberry down, focus, and listen. Chances are we are dropping gems that lead to what will win us over.  If you’re bored or annoyed by what a chick is saying, then you’ve picked the wrong chick. If we need to tell you three times that we are indeed free on Saturday you are not doing a good job as a listener. 
4. Confidence. You must know who you are, where you’ve been, where you’re going or else please kindly take yourself out of the dating pool. You will only harm everyone including yourself. Don’t worry, this goes for girls, too. If you’re a dude who’s been out of work for 7 months or a girl who’s in the heart of her anorexia, sounds like dating shouldn’t be a number one priority. 
5. Sex. Don’t be fooled. We want it and shocker of all shockers in this world - we want it even more than you do. Don’t think that’s possible? Try it. I dare you.