my little blog

The following are all of the thoughts, in order, that a woman thinks as she flips through a Victoria’s Secret Catalog. This has been clinically tested. 

1. I’m not going to buy anything, but I’ll just look.

2. Nah, that wouldn’t look good on me, anyway. 

3. Oh, wait, now that’s cute. Super cute. And only $38.

4. No, not gonna do it because all of their stuff is cheap and I’ll end up sending it back.

(She removes the dog-ear)

5. Fuck. I need a spray tan.

6. Would her hair color look good on me? 

(She dog-ears the page)

7. Well now that’s a new girl. Where did she come from?

8. Tonight I’m only eating a salad. And by salad I mean spinach. No dressing. 

9. Shoes? Who buys shoes from here?

10. Adriana. I bet she’s nice, too. Bitch. 

11. My God, I’m fat. Like obese. How do I even have friends?

12. What time is it? Yeah, I can fit a run in before work. 

13. Where are those shoes she’s wearing? Those are hot. 

(She flips back to the shoe section)

14. Oh those? Those are so not cute. They look different on her, though.

15. More bras? Damn. Okay.

16. No. No more PINK things. I have enough. 

17. Oh that’s a cute matching set…that could work on me. 

18. What’s the point, I have something like that anyway. 

19. She had a baby? Fuuuuuuuck. 

20. I suck. 

She tosses the catalog in the garbage along with the other 4 Victoria’s Secret Catalogs that came yesterday. 

The End.